Let's have a difficult conversation...

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

Kirk — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 19:51:27 GMT

I tend to agree, the difficult conversation is one of the things that sets leadership apart. Leadership requires decision making. Not all decisions are popular. Leadership requires standards. Standards are not always met. Leadership requires vision. Vision is not always a unanimous consensus. Thanks also for mentioning a willingness to move even if you may be wrong. That fear of being wrong, especially when we're dealing in areas that are not easily measured, is too often a comfortable excuse. Prayerfully we must act. Fail or wrong are not words I'm fond of, but I believe we'll be well acquainted with them if we're really living.

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

Patricia — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 05:14:38 GMT

I find the 'hard conversation' one of THE hardest things to do. I feel like I need to work through my own frustration with the person before I can address anything, otherwise it's about venting, or it's about being 'right' more than being 'restored'. Great article,Tony. I really needed this word.

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

e. salas — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 19:36:50 GMT

different for most latinos we're all about "in your face" in the homefront but much more difficult in the minstry world. this is a good word, tk, thanks

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

MacGyver — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 14:38:32 GMT

Thank you for sharing this list. I have always respected your ability to have the hard conversations. Hopefully the hard conversations I have had help bring people to restoration.

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

Rick — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 12:03:37 GMT

It's sad that Christians have such major problems with walking this out. We see holding back a hard talk as the compassionate gesture when the opposite is true. True love and compassion is displayed when we forsake discomfort to make way for truth. I bet if every church/ministry organization did this today the unemployment number would increase a full percentage point or more. Matt 18 lays out the guidelines. Do we believe God knows best or do we trust our selfish hearts?

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

Tony Kim — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 06:21:44 GMT

Special K, your right. You always have to adjust your intensity, directness, and tone based on the nature of your relationship and their committment to you (or the organization). Remeber, the goal of any conflict is restoration and growth. A creative leader has to be sensitive to who is talking to.

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

Special K — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 02:56:18 GMT

What about the art of meeting the person where they're at in order to have that difficult conversation. I find that if I'm talking to another leader it's much easier to have it out, but if the person is not a leader there's an art to being able to make the difficult conversation accessible to the recipient. IMO

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

LT — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 23:18:07 GMT

It's funny...in business, we have to have hard conversations. that's why we get paid the big bucks. but in personal life and church life we shy from it. i think it's because the goals in business are urgent and pressing enough that people learn to put that aside to get the task done. but in church life, the greater goal of the kingdom is not a pressing or urgent issue because its invisible. so we don't feel the urgency though the importance is even greater. it really comes down to being mature enough to have those "difficult" conversations. I totally agree that people are judged too much on fluffy externals like speaking, etc. but in church life people aren't often challenged enough in the unseen skills that demand real maturity and character. that's why i think 90% of pastors or 50 feet tall in the pulpit but 3 feet tall outside the pulpit. not totally their fault. they cultivate what is valued in our culture which is personality and entertainment.

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

Dennis Salvatier — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 23:14:34 GMT

Very true. I'm fortunate that in my family we neverhad a problem telling each other how we were screwing up. :)

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

Tony Kim — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 23:02:41 GMT

Yea, we'd rather pull out the samerai swords and just settle it the 'good ole' fashion way. Last man standing. Guess that was a more civilized era...Thanks DK!

re: Let's have a difficult conversation...

DK — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:57:50 GMT

Asians are horrible at this. I want to be good at this. I have too many of these sometimes. I want to go to there...