Painting sucks!

 

Nothing is more frustrating than something you can't do. My journey as an illustrator started when I was young. I loved the medium of pen and paper. However, painting was another story. I just could not control the medium in a way to communicate what I wanted to express. It was too ambiguous and slow- so I just stuck with illustrations. Even as a Design major in college, I struggled with painting so much that my teachers tried to fail me! Painting became the bane of my existence. Because of failure, I put away my brushes and paints for 15 years. However, I always knew there was something there, lurking in my artistic basement of my soul. The implacable urging never went away.
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I came to a point in my artist journey, my spiritual life, and career when I longed to express myself in a new way. Frustrated with familiar forms of expression, I found a need to ‘reinvent’ myself. My wife and I bought a house in summer of 2007 and as a result interior design projects began. I stared at a blank wall in the living room and ‘heard’ it challenging me to create something to fill its empty void. I could hear the wall mock me saying “create something worthy of me”. Fear began to creep in my thoughts. What if it’s not good enough? What if I have nothing to say? What if I look foolish? I stood at an artist crossroad. Regardless of my fears, I felt God calling me to paint so I took a step of faith. The following year would change my art, life, and leadership forever.

To my surprise I discovered that my style and technique had radically transformed (pictured above). It was unrecognizable from before. No longer was I so concerned about ‘control’, in fact I relished the chaos. Through painting, color, movement, and storytelling became alive to me. A renaissance had begun in my life. I thank God for allowing me to enter this new journey as a painter. I am still learning and exploring (& making mistakes!) a lot but I am excited to see where it takes me. Since that pivotal painting 2 years ago, I have since painted over 40 paintings which I have given away freely. I posted some of my paintings down below. Before you look at them, I wanted to share these thoughts first:

Creative Leadership lessons from this experience:
  • Your abilities as an artist are the sum of your ENTIRE life experiences. A painting doesn’t start when you pick up a paint brush, but the moment you picked up a crayon as a child.
  • A renaissance experience is about authenticity not marketability. It’s not about being good but about being true.
  • Continually be in a process of reinventing yourself. You have NO IDEA what you are capable of. Your limitations are easier to focus on. Your potential is unknown.
  • Discover what you want to say and SAY IT boldly. Don’t wait. Stop making excuses.
  • Don’t worry about being inspired. Inspiration comes as you create. Worry about creating.
  • Don’t let anyone put you in a box or define what kind of artist you are- especially yourself!
  • Art, music, and Design inspires like NOTHING else.
  • Generosity changes you and your art. With the exception of my first painting, all other paintings have been given away freely.  It’s not your gift anyways right?

Now it's time for you to go lead, inspire, and change the world with your art. You can read more about my paintings here on my Creative Leadership blog.

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Published 27 April 2009 05:26 PM by Tony Kim

Comments

# sam mo said on 27 April, 2009 06:08 PM
i'm in the midst of that journey, chuggin' chuggin' chuggin'. Joanne Jung said, "the journey of a christian is one step at a time." i'd say ditto for the artist inside as well!! i like the idea of "a Renaissance beginning inside" as well as how as we mature, we can faithfully embrace chaos more so than when we are more insecure and need control of product in light of what others would judge and appraise.
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# RSAudioLabs said on 27 April, 2009 11:15 PM
I can relate to this and it brought back the lesson I learned back in elementry school. I had taken a math test and the teacher marked many of the answers wrong, even though I got them right. So, I questioned him and he said, I gave you the first one right, because I saw the effort, the others were wrong because you assumed the first answer, which had an impact on the other answers was right. It thought me to start every new challenge with a new page. Besides, it helps to deminish the negativity from enemys, critics and our own worst critics ourselves. God sees us as His wonderful children and when my kids make an art project, I know that it might not win an art contest, but it did win my heart. Do it all in love and for the love of Him (God.) BTW, I really enjoy your artwork and find it personaly imspiring. Party on Tony!
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# Jennifer Snellings said on 27 April, 2009 11:29 PM
Hi Tony! Thanks so much for sharing your journey! I can so relate to your story. After I got my art degree I stopped creating art for 10 years. I taught art to others, became a wife and mother and focused on those roles, which were and still are very important. But I totally neglected the creative side that God placed inside me. Finally a year ago I realized I needed to pick up my paintbrushes again. God has given me this gift and I need to use it to glorify Him! I started painting again and even took a few onliine classes. Loving it and feeling like I'm in tune to a life purpose God has given me! I now have a blog where I share my work and have participated in two art shows at church and a local show in Plano. It has been a crazy, incredible experience! Thanks again for sharing your story! I really find it inspiring and so encouraging! - Jennifer Snellings
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# Dennis Salvatier said on 28 April, 2009 12:13 AM
It's like what Chuck Jones said, "An artists' work is never done, he can only abandon it." Good stuff.
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# brady said on 28 April, 2009 02:10 PM
thanks for sharing. very funny but I have had a similar experience. I played around with art when i was in high school, and came to college and took one class and saw that EVERYONE was better than me. So i stopped for 12+ years. Last year my mom got sick and I had to take care of her full time for 6-7 months. Gotta a little weird, so I had to find something to take my mind off it. I started drawing again. Then I couldn't get enough of it, and my drawings looked NOTHING like I used to draw. I still laugh at my drawings b/c I pretty much don't think they are cool- like the other people I want to draw like, but I kept doing it. My style is continuing to progress and hopefully I'm getting better, but I still think it is laughable, but now I have had the opportunity to start selling them and strangely enough people have started paying me money for my little drawings. All of which blows me away, but I still pretty much draw to keep my mind occupied when there are difficult things going on.
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# Tony Kim said on 28 April, 2009 07:31 PM

Brady, thanks for sharing. Wow, it's great to hear something creative birth from something painful. I hope that your mother is now better and I hope that your new expression will bless you and others. Thanks!

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# Monica livingston said on 28 April, 2009 11:35 PM
Tony, I so appreciate your perspective on creating. I spent a great deal of my early life immersed in the arts (dance and music in particular). Yet somehow when I got married and had kids it was as if that creative innovative spark that had always been such an integral part of my makeup got drowned out by the everyday tasks of running a home and raising kids. What I am begining to sense inside of me is that there is a creative voice and gift that the Lord has given me that He wants me use, in raising my children, in my marriage, in my community. Thank you for your willingness to share thru this blog. It has encouraged me try once again to tap into a part of me that has laid dormant far too long!
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